The School Bullying Council has released "Parent's Guide to Preventing & Responding to Bullying." Get a copy and help free your child from the pressure of bullies.

Charles Dharapak/Associated PressBullying has become a topic of enough concern that President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama hosted a conference on bullying prevention at the White House in March.Parents, educators, counselors and others interested in children's mental health are invited to attend a conference titled "Bullying. What We Can Do!: Understanding and Preventing Bullying and Cyberbullying" on Saturday, Feb. 4, at the Lloyd Center Doubletree Hotel, 1000 N.E. Multnomah St.

Afternoon sessions open to the public include discussions on sexting, helping parents talk to schools, harassment laws and sexual minority at-risk youth.

The regular registration deadline is Jan. 29. Admission for the general public is $35 per person and $50 per couple; admission for educators is $45. Admission includes a noon luncheon with a panel titled "Creative Problem Solvers: Ideas from Students, Parents, Schools and Legislators."

The conference is sponsored by the Oregon Council of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Oregon Pediatric Society, NAMI-Multnomah and Providence Health Services.

"The solution to bullying," said Kathy Flegel, a child and adolescent psychiatrist who is the conference's program chair, "is a community solution. … Parents, teachers, students, legal officials, legislative people — all can play a role in decreasing the amount of aggression that goes in our schools."

Flegel said bullying has three distinct pieces: intent to harm, repetition and an imbalance of power. "If two kids have a little spat on the playground, that's not bullying," she said. Unless, that is, one child is significantly bigger or has significantly more social status, or is disabled or has some other limitation.

Flegel said bullying includes physical aggression; verbal aggression; social aggression, when groups of people try to isolate others or target others with rumors or gossip; and cyberbullying, which is bullying through an electronic medium such as texting, YouTube, email or Facebook. Cyberbullying is especially difficult for parents, Flegel said, because it can be done anonymously and it can go viral, which is terrifying for the victims.

Signs of bullying include depression, anxiety, a decline in grades, attempts to avoid or change schools, more frequent illness, and talking about self-harm or engaging in self-harm. Younger kids tend to have more physical symptoms, Flegel said, but there's no hard and fast rule.

Flegel laid out these steps for parents to take if they suspect a child is being bullied:

Go to your child first. Come right out and say, "Is someone mistreating you, have you been bullied?" Often, Flegel said, kids are afraid to tell adults about bullying because they're afraid they won't be believed, they fear the bullying might worsen, they feel shame or guilt, or they worry nothing will change.

Reassure your child. "Tell your child that you're going to do everything you can to help and everything you can not to make things worse," Flegel said. "And then try to get information specifically about what has happened."

Record and report. "Most bullying occurs in and around the school relationships, because that's where kids are around each other the most," Flegel said. She recommended that parents write down what a child tells them about bullying, then contact the principal, school counselor or teacher. Often the school may not be aware of what's going on, she said.

Know school policy. "Schools are required by law to have some anti-bullying policy," Flegel said. Although the policy alone won't necessarily solve problems, she said, it's worth knowing what it is and what procedures a school has for dealing with bullying. School officials and employees should take a parent's report seriously and gather all the information they can, Flegel said. If they're not responsive, she suggests that parents go to the superintendent or, in larger districts, the person who supervises your child's principal.

Teach responses to bullying. Physical responses include looking a bully in the eye, standing tall, staying calm and walking away if it's safe to do so. Verbal responses include "I don't like what you're doing. Please do not talk to me like that. Why would you say that to me?" Children who are very young or who lack confidence can be taught to ask a trusted adult for help, Flegel said.

Give your child resiliency. Flegel said it's important to believe
children's complaints and take them seriously — "that makes a child
feel safer." That in turn gives a child the strength to withstand
bullying. Flegel also suggested making sure kids have friends with
similar interests — sports, art club — because such friends will
provide positive reinforcement and build self-esteem, which increases
resiliency.

What if your child is the bully? (Here are signs your child might be a bully.) 

Take it very seriously, Flegel said, because the consequences of bullying affect everybody: the bully, the victim and the observers. Her do's and don'ts for parents of children who bully:

Don't punish a bully or make him or her apologize. "It doesn't work," Flegel said. "It doesn't stop the aggression."

Do use non-physical discipline such as a brief loss of privileges. The idea is to give kids an immediate opportunity to turn around their behavior. "When you take a cellphone away for a month," Flegel said, "they don't get an opportunity to change their behavior." Instead, try something such as, "If you do X again, you won't get to watch TV for the next 24 hours." Then, Flegel said, "watching TV is completely in the child's control. All they have to do is make better choices the next time."

Do set firm and consistent limits on aggressive behavior.

Do make it clear that bullying is never OK.

Do be a positive role model in resolving conflicts. Don't yell or use aggression yourself.

Do teach children that bullying hurts others. Flegel said bullies get positive reinforcement in the form of social power and prestige, and "empathy falls to the wayside."

Do take your child for a mental health evaluation with a school counselor or pediatrician if you think your child has emotional problems or has suffered some sort of trauma.

- Amy Wang; on Twitter

The School Bullying Council has released "Parent's Guide to Preventing & Responding to Bullying." Get a copy and help free your child from the pressure of bullies.